If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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