It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
