Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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