I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
