Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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