I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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