True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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