Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
