I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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