She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
