my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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