I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
