im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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