i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
