if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
