I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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