I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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