I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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