Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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