pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
