Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
