I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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