Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
