i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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