Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize