Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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