Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
