ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
