the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
