Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
