Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Success! We fucked roommates!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize