He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The Olympian is in my bed
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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