and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
