I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
