Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize