Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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