oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
