I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
