and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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