chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
