I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
