So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
But theres a keg here and me gusta
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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