I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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