jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize