I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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