everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
