You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
