Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
