Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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