just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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