i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
