theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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