There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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