I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My life is pants optional.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize