I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
