do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
