Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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