Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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