You smell like a Billy Joel song
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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