I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
