it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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