We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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