actually, I'm a sock model
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
