I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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