and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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